Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Allah love my baby more than I am...

Salams 4 readers… hi… I juz want 2 publish some memorable things that I shouldn’t 4get forever… eventhough some of it is hard 4 me 2 say n think bout it.. but I have to accept it.. this is wat we call life…

Actually b4 this ive save some entry that I want 2 publish soon.. but sumthin happened 2 me b4 the publishing goes.. so I juz keep the entry inside the inbox of blog…

Well the story begins… after my period is late for more than 1 weeks… than a friend of mine.. sally.. asked me 2 try a pregnancy test kits.. so my hubby n I decided to try it.. although we’re so excited but I dun wan to look at it.. my hubby only asked me… wat will I do if the things is positive??? I juz say I will fasting a day and solat syukur for it… than he shows me the result… ahhhh only Allah knows my feeling on that time… Alhamdullillah… I juz hug my hubby and after that we do solat syukur…

The happiness is around us… I can see it in my hubby eyes… the next day we went 4 checkup.. to reconfirm with doc. It’s the same result… the doc scan my tummy… to see the baby heartbeat… it was a very wonderful moments and I can say… it was a miracle that Allah have give 2 me n hubby… a small thingy move a bit, up n down… “ there is your baby… this is your watebag and inside it was ur baby… stay alone… that means only one baby… wat else… ohhh the baby come from left ovari…” I juz keep in smile with tears… how thankful I am to Allah… after the doc give some medication 2 me… my hubby bought 4 me enfamama milk… juz 4 our cute baby grow healthy inside me… The next day im fasting…

my baby tersayang in sixth weeks
Inside my mind is only happiness… we didn’t tell this thing to the others… only sally knows bout this… my hubby planned to let everybody knows after my pregnancy going to second trimester… hmmm

My baby still in my womb until last Saturday, I felt a bit pain at the evening… my mom n mil asked me 2 put some ointment on my knee n leg… juz do wat they say…

SUNDAY 8 July 2007..

Sunday morning… I feel my stomach was so painful… similar like period pain but it getting more n more pain n I’m bleeding… then hubby drove me to the NUH. After reaching there I was taken to emergency room and have to waiting for a gyne doc. The pain is getting more and even more and the bleeding is now more with blood clot… with faith of Allah inside my heart n mind.. I juz keep selawat n reciting some of the ayat Quran in silence… Pray 4 my self and baby… I juz hope my baby is fine… after the gyne do some checkup 4 me… I was warded at maternity ward.

I was alone there for a moment… once in hour the nurse come to my bed n take my blood pressure, heartbeat n body tempreture…the blood clot is staining my bed and pants… The nurse who asked me to change the pants also stunned after saw all that came out is juz blood clot…

After I change the pants n bed cover… I was advice not to walked alone…even if I want 2 go to the toilet have to accompany by the nurse… the pain still going on n the blood still come out even more than before… later, my hubby arrived… he hug me and keep saying we have to be prepared for any consequences… I juz keep crying…

Saturday evening, relatives, in laws, mum n dad come n visit me… I juz keep smiling wit them as though the thing never happen… at this time the pain is only a bit…before I fall asleep.. my hubby hug me n say “ dun worry sayang, if the baby is made for us… it will always with us…if not means Allah loves our baby… baby will waiting for us, later in akhirat… don’t think so much… we pray 4 the best ok… I want you to have a very good rest n sleep well ok sayang.. whatever happens tomorrow… I will always with you and love you…” He kissed my forehead and go… I’m alone again… I cant close my eyes…. Keep praying 4 the best especially for my baby… at 11pm the nurse told me that I cant take any food or drinks starting from 12 o clock… Juz prepared incase I have to go for DNC…

MONDAY 9 July 2007

I waked up at 3.15 am… cant sleep anymore… inside my mind I juz think 4 wat will happen 2 my baby…DNC ??? if I have to go 4 DNC means… I will loss my baby… I juz keep praying for the best…

8 am.. my hubby arrive.. he chatting with me.. i know.. he try to make me smile n laugh… actually he was so worried of me…

9 am.. the attendant came to take me with wheel chair for scanning my womb… my hubby was not there with me at that time… in the scan room I was scanned by Chinese lady doc… she explained.. “ this is your womb… if there is a baby, supposingly it will be here.. but then… your womb now is empty… this is the left… and this is the right side… “ Ya Allah.. my baby is gone… I juz crying… I can feel I’m depress… the uncle which work as attendant that strolled me with wheel chair back to the ward, give me a tissue…

On my bed I’m alone… later the nurse bring my breakfast meal…”Mdm i-shah… this is your breakfast…” but after she saw I’m crying… She asked me.. “are u ok???, did u know ur condition?” I reply “yes I’m ok…. But… My baby is gone….” Than I cry again… she hugged me and try to comfort me… “its ok.. life always like that… ok may b it is not your rezeki… ok… now take a rest.. n eat your breakfast… I will call a doctor for you…”

Few minutes later the doc came… juz to consult me… at first she juz asked me how was my feeling…??? I juz say that I’m so sad… then I started crying again… She holding my hands and says.. life always like that… some times when u expect something to be but.. it turn to different way… don’t be so sad… let the baby goes peacefully… baby know that I love him so much… she said I’m so lucky because eventhough it was a missed miscarriage… I no need go for the DNC… all of the things has come out from my womb.. the baby take it all together with him… If my baby survived the chances 2 b healthy baby is low since my baby is only 8 weeks… so better it be this way… psychologically effect will affect me a bit but the doc consult me do not being so upset… it will make me more depress… but realised or not.. I’m too depress… My baby is gone…

I went back home at 12.30pm… and juz sleeping… eat jamu…which been prepared by my maid, Siti, requested from mil.. at night call mom... she adviced me for so many things to take care of myself...

Now, today, I feel ok a bit… this story juz to keep my mind to my first baby… How much I Love him… Even now... while i'm typing this entry my eyes is full of tears…tears 4 my baby... may Allah keep His blessing for me n hubby…

Baby..mama loves you sayang…. Loves you so much but Allah loves you more….

7 comments:

iezahnet said...

waaa... sedihnyer... dah nak menitis air mate nih... sabar lah k.Ecah ea... insyaallah, ader rezeki nnt...

m y a l i s h a said...

InsyaAllah...Thanks iezah...

p ewa said...

kak ecah... sedihnye citer awak..
tapi kak ecah ingatlah.. baby tu akan tunggu awak kat akhirat nanti.. dia yg akan pimpin awak masuk syurga nanti... insya allah... semua ada hikmahnya...

miss u so much...

Atosh said...

Kak Echah camner nak contact.. No phone da tukar ka??

m y a l i s h a said...

no phone belum tukar lagi... tp when im in spore.. tak dpt l nak cal..

ewa--> insyaAllah... kita pun harap mcm tu juga... smalam kita mimpi dia.. doc says im depress.. tapi alhamdullillah setiap kali my mind blowing to think bout my baby i try to wirid banyak2..

Bibi said...

takziah ecah..heard the news from sally..Sabar and dekatkan dirimu pada Allah..Insy Allah hati akan lebih tenang...

m y a l i s h a said...

thanks bibi...